I just wanted to say thanks to everyone that has left a comment or sent me an email. They’ve all meant a lot to me. Seriously. I had some major progress this past week so I thought I’d share.

For the first solid week in seven months, I felt good. Sure, I had moments of sadness or frustration, but those are average emotions that one goes through in the course of the day. For a whole week I’ve been able to function and it feels great. I thought I’d share some of the things that have helped me in the process in case anyone else needs to get out of a serious rut.

1. I quite coffee. Yup, cold. Its been three weeks now and it has made a huge difference. For those that don’t know, coffee fucks with your brain and your seratonin levels, which are what keep you sane.
2. I cut out most sugar. I gave it up for a week and then I had some vegan ice cream at my housemate’s celebration party. She made the roller derby all-star team… its a big deal and worth eating ice cream. Since then I’ve seriously minimized my sugar intake. In fact, most days I still don’t eat any at all.
3. Replaced coffee and sugar with lots of fruit, lots of herbal tea, and four meals a day
4. I go outside for at least 30 minutes a day. Its been warm enough to go out, so I’m taking advantage.
5. I have at least one cup of nettle and gotu kola tea a day.
6. I started taking a multivitamin and a chromium supplement. I don’t remember what the chromium was for, but probably something to do with helping seratonin levels.
7. I watched The Science of Sleep for the first time. I know that it can be awkward at times, but the main character, Gael Garc&iacutea Bernal, helped me remember that I’m not the only crazy one… and there is genius in the lack of sanity. Plus I got to watch two hotties doing cute stuff.
8. I spend at least 30 minutes a day reading Watership Down.

That’s about it. I keep telling myself I’m going to start getting more exercise again (living in the middle of nowhere I do a lot more driving than I’m used to), but that will probably come once the weather is consistently above 50.

In other news… I won’t go into details, but the love of my life, Osil (pictured left), is recovering from a skin disorder (and some as yet unknown cause) which caused her to bleed a lot. Wish her well in her recovery.

to my friends and readers,

just wanted to give another update since i’ve been absent for so long. as i’ve alluded to, i’ve been dealing with pretty severe depression for the past seven months. this has affected every aspect of my life, particularly those aspects that require me to interact with others in any way (work, friendships, etc). i haven’t been able to motivate myself to do much of anything, especially writing, hence my absence. i feel bad about this, i honestly do. i especially feel bad about the promises i made and didn’t follow through on.

i don’t really care to express what i’ve been going through. i feel like people who have dealt with depression already know and those that haven’t can’t possibly understand.

but the past week has provided me with a little hope. not much has changed yet, except my way of approaching things. i’ve started talking to people again; most importantly about what i’m going through. i’ve also decided to make a few life changes that i think will help. i’m on day 10 of no coffee (that’s seemed to make a pretty big difference immediately). i’m moving back to town and into a shared-living house (still looking for a room, BTW). for the past four months i’ve been living at the sanctuary (30 minutes from town). while its certainly beautiful out there, having where I work, live and volunteer all be the same place and so far away from human contact just isn’t what i need. i’ve also started looking for a therapist. unfortunately, the free clinic never returns phone calls and never picks up the phone. other things i’m doing include taking a daily vitamin and trying to eat healthier (organic, less processed foods, less sugar).

its possible that this week is just another upswing (i’ve been dealing more with manic-depression than simple depression), its hard to tell. but i’m trying to take it slow and consciously move forward with each day. i started working on a zine (pass the day: illustrations from the heart of depression) and that seems to be helping me work through some things. a friend and i (my heartbreak buddy) are also going to be starting a team zine soon that will have short stories written by her and comics by me. i’ll be sure to let yall know when they are done.

i can’t guarantee that i’ll be back to blogging on a regular basis any time soon. like i said, i’m taking it slow. i’ll see what i can do about posting at least once a week, though. i do foresee myself coming back in full force in time. my guess is that i’ll have more energy once the sun comes out again and its warm enough for me to go out and get my vitamin D.

well, just wanted to let the folks that have stuck with me though my lack up posting know where i’m at. hope everyone else is doing well.

with love,
vegankid