As a self-proclaimed radical, i hear the phrase ‘riot porn’ quite frequently. I recently found my way onto the Riot Porn blog by following a link from Bombs and Shields. Now, i enjoy a good riot and you know i love me some porn, but something irks me about the idea of riot porn.
I’m not a blind follower of riots, mind you. Too often they are misdirected anger. But they are a release of anger, and that i am a fan of. I’m also not a blind follower of porn (i haven’t masturbated that much). The fucked-up dynamics of a lot of mainstream porn disgust and enfuriate me, but i do have an appreciation for sex positivity, consensual sexual release, kink and so forth.
What i don’t like about a lot of mainstream porn is the eroticization of violence. I’m not talking about cock-slapping or BDSM, per se (i enjoy pain and bondage and i’m not going to denounce my friend who has a certain affinity for being cock-slapped). I’m talking about the socialized roles of violence that are so often carried out. The systemic objectification and subjugation of wimmin and gender-variant people.
What i can’t seem to get over is how riot porn seems to reflect what it is that i hate about a lot of porn - the eroticization of violence. Granted, the pictures on the Riot Porn blog are those of people in resistance. And i am consistently one to argue that those that use physical means to fight repressive systems of violence cannot be defined as violent. But something just doesn’t feel right. Not sure. I’ll think about it some more and come back. In the meantime, let me know your thoughts.
In the spirit of bettering myself and keeping myself accountable, i want to put out some thoughts that have been pounding through my mind for the past couple of months.
As my last relationship came to an end, it was made clear that i had a lot of shit to deal with regarding relationships. As i looked critically at the ways that my principles did not match up with my actions, i began to recognize a pattern of abuse and manipulation that i have carried out in each relationship that i’ve been a part of.
For years i have thought of myself as a radical feminist. I’ve facilitated numerous workshops including a number of them that fall into the category of creating healthy, consensual relationships. It was because of this work and because of my radical genderQueer self-identification that i subconsciously felt i was above the patterns of abuse in relatioships. So you can imagine how shocked and hurt i was to hear someone i love say that our relationship was an abusive one.
I defined abuse in a way that was convenient and comfortable for me (even if it wasn’t so comfortable for others). I believed that because i respected the word ‘NO’, because i could not conceive of hitting someone i love, because i knew the languge of consent i could not possibly be carrying out the patterns of abuse that i had been taught. I was wrong.
I have begun to recognize the rampant, consistent, and destructive (though often very subtle) campaign of emotional abuse that i have carried out against partners (genderQueer, female, and male alike). I’m beginning to see how i have used my own inability to deal with and process my own emotions as a way to coerce and control. I often expect my partners to be my emotional processing plant - an empty receptical. When it is convenient, i have used my battle with depression as a way to push away and pull in other people. I have coerced people into staying with me by subtling suggesting/threatening suicide. I often shut down emotionally with others as a way to gain sympathy and coerce.
And these are just some of the patterns i’ve begun to recognize. I’m also coming to realize how i carrying out these same patterns within other relationships (with friends, family, etc). This shit is heavy. It weighs on my heart, but i’m glad that i’ve begun to recognize it. I’m glad that i’m able to write about it now because i want nothing more than to stop this pattern. I want to reconnect that praxis where healthy and consensual relationships can take place. Its long, hard work and i’m thankful to the people who have begun to help me along in this process.
I look forward to the work ahead. And i can’t thank M enough for calling me out on my shit. It took a lot of courage and a lot of love. I want to return that love by passing it on to any future partners i may have. Thank you. I’m blessed to have known you.
Looking through reappropriate’s blogroll, i came across Eddie Zheng’s blog and loved his quote of the week:
“A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.”
- Lao-Tzu
Its a good reminder not only for academics but also for those of us that aren’t in academia but are still working for positive social change. If we are ever to create something new, we must always stay on our learning edge - where comfort is always a step away, but always a step backward.
Xiao Fei “Eddie” Zheng writes his blog from behind bars in Yuba County, California. His crime? He’s an Asian immigrant. He’s awaiting his final deportation hearing, which is set for March 22nd. He is being deported for a robbery he commited 20 years ago as a 16-year-old. While in prison, Zheng taught himself english, earned his GED, and got a college degree. He became very active in youth organizing and wants to continue that work outside of prison walls.
However, shortly after his release, having served 19 years of a seven-to-life sentence and being deemed no longer a threat to society, the INS decided it was time to get rid of him. Eddie came to the US from China at the age of 12 with a green card. He is now fighting for his right to stay and to help create a better future for young people. Visit Stop the Deportation of Eddie Zheng and show your support by writing a letter and signing up for updates. Its not asking much, people.
