Somehow i doubt that it will come as a surprise that for the first Blog for Radical Fun Day i’ve decided to talk about giving head/going down/sucking cock/whatever you may wish to call it. Instead of talking about a persynal experience, i thought i’d share the love and put together a little guide to oral sex. Wow. I’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s get started…
It is important to recognize that not all of these tips will apply to everyone. Some may enjoy some aspects/explorations, but be utterly traumatized by others. Which is why we start with rule number one: consent. For the longest time i loved giving head, but receiving was a trigger for me. Its important to check in with our lovers so that we know boundaries. Communication is key. For some couples, this means constant checking in. For others it may mean setting up a few safety words. Others may be even more creative. Whatever the situation make sure that you are familiar with you and your partner(s)’s needs, wants, limitations, desires, boundaries, triggers, etc.
This brings me to point two: talk about it. I, for one, get really turned on by talking about sex. In particular, i get turned on talking to a lover about what we are going to do with each other. This is not only a great way to turn up the heat, but it is also a great way to eroticize consent. Just make sure that communication is equal (or as equalized as you can possibly make it in a world where the power politics of sex are very unequal). If you think something sounds like fun but your lover doesn’t, find something that gets you both wet. If you can’t find that common ground, you may want to consider sleeping with other people.
Now that its time to get to business, lets talk about some basics.
Get Comfortable. Maybe its your thing, but i prefer to perform without a stiff neck or jammed shoulder. Find a position that is comfortable (or as comfortable as can be - some places will always be a little uncomfortable) for everyone involved. If you are on your knees, get a pillow (in the shower is an example of where your knees may just have to suffer a little for the thrill, but i’ll talk about that later). If you’re sucking a large cock/enlarged clit, take into consideration the downward angle of your throat. Don’t jam hard objects into the roof of your mouth. Unless, of course, that turns you on.
Spice it up. If you’d like a little more flavor, try some of the flavored lubes or condoms.
Check in. Even the most talented of oral magicians are not telepathic. Different people like it different ways. While in the process, ask your partner questions like “does that feel good?” “slower?” “faster?” “more?” Quick questions that can be answered with yes or no.
Sixty-nine. Sometimes the best pleasure is mutual pleasure. Again, this one depends a lot on comfort. Try using furniture, pillows, or different props to get the proper alignment. Sometimes it can be hard to focus on giving and getting, so you and your partner may want to take turns.
Accessorize. Dildos, vibrators, butt-plugs, cock rings, ticklers, blindfolds, wrist-restraints, ropes, the list can go on. Persynally, i’m a little kinky. I like being tied-up and i like to tie up others (hey, why not put those tree-sitting skills to use?). If you’re not sure what accessories work best for you, test em out with someone you trust (or with yourself).
Idol hands do the devil’s work. Well, i suppose that depends on how you view sex and morality. But one thing is for sure, oral sex is a misnomer. The mouth may be the focus, but everything is more fun when you involve those digits. Caress the body. Stroke the cock/clit/g-spot/testicles. Again, i’m kinky and like a hand around my throat while receiving. But maybe i’m giving too much information. Get creative.
Get off the bed. You have a couch, shower, coffee table, car, lawn, tree house, elevator shaft, office, clothes changing station, dryer, kitchen, and other such places for a reason. And that reason is great oral sex. If nothing else, try pressing your lover up against the bedroom wall. Whatever and wherever you decide, just don’t get stuck in the same old routine. BORING! I would highly recommend the shower… with the water running. Due to crappy and expensive water heaters, this is usually just a great starting place. From there, your naked bodies can bump their way into every piece of furniture, against every wall, and down every hall.
Asshole. Its not just there to look pretty. If you want some mind-blowing oral sex, i’d suggest making use of all those nerve endings found in your anus. Lube up and stick in a finger (or fist if your partner is that amazing), dildo, butt plug, or other accessories. Or simply lick, suck, nip, whatever. Just make sure that your lover is either clean or use a barrier.
Eye contact. Make it. Its hot.
Hair-pulling. Again, its hot.
Singing lessons. Ok, you don’t actually have to take any lessons. In fact, you don’t even have to sing. But if you want to add some extra stimulation while going down try humming or moaning. The vibration stimulates the nerve endings and provides for a thrilling ride.
That’s all i can think of for now. I was going to add some specifics on “dining out” (eating cunt), “eating a snack” (eating cock/enlarged clit), and sucking a strap-on, but i found that Babeland has already done so. I especially like their How to Go Down on a Woman piece (despite its gender binary connotations), which says some things like:
“if your eyelids aren’t sticky, you’re not doing it right.”
“Love your job. Pussy munching is best when both people love it.”
and, “With your face buried in her cunt and your ears muffled by her creamy thighs, it can be hard to talk about how things are going. So look for more subtle signs of her enjoyment.”
And let me just say for you doubting thomas’ out there, sucking on silicone is hot and fun for all involved. Be sure to read Babeland’s essay if you don’t believe me. Enjoy! And be sure to report back with any findings.
