To those who “spread witness” (or whatever you prefer to call it),
Over the years, you have come to my door. You’ve woken me from sleep and interrupted my meals. You’ve stopped me on the sidewalk, even when i’m late for class or work or a meeting. And during all this, i’ve remained respectful. I’ve invited you in my house. I’ve taken time from my day to listen. I’ve allowed you to take hours, perhaps days, of my life to talk to me about something that frankly i just don’t believe in. I’ve done this because until this morning, you didn’t outright piss me off.
This cloudy morning, i wake up to my dog barking incessantly, which could mean only one thing: someone is at the door. As i stumble out the bed to answer the door, i can overhear two voices, neither of which i recognize. Since the only people that knock on my door this early are my neighbor (who comes over to bring my dog treats) or my landlord (who i am expecting to come and pick up some stuff in my garage), i knew that chances were that it was religious zealots coming to spread The Word.
Since it was time for me to get up anyway, i answered the door. Its the last time. In fact, the next time you come to my door, expect me to douse you with whatever is in my compost bucket at the time. Why? Because today, you pissed me off. You started off nice enough, talking about how George Bush, Jerry Falwell, and the like aren’t real Christians because they advocate war and death. Then you flipped the switched and talked about the other “false Christians” who accept Queer congregates, or same-sex marriage, or (god forbid) Queer clergy. Are you seriously putting the killing of millions of people and two people of the same sex loving each other on the same level?!?
Now, your disrespect for me has gone too far. I will not tolerate it any more. You have now converted yet another persyn to the masses of people who are outright volatile towards you when you invade our space. Congratulations. So go forth, spread the love, and don’t wander too close to the lion’s cage.
